I used to cry myself to sleep, trying to understand why this musician seemed to harbor such disdain for me. We have never met, I have never approached him, and I try to keep to myself. Yet during a period when I was already fragile from past abuse, it felt as though he spent years adding to my pain. The experience was mentally exhausting, leaving me drained, bewildered, and unsure of how to make sense of it.
I couldn’t comprehend why he appeared to align himself with people who had genuinely harmed me. The whole situation felt strange and unsettling, and the most difficult part was the sense he took pleasure in my suffering. I could never imagine devoting my life to hurting someone for amusement. It felt shallow, senseless, and left me believing he must of have held some deep, inexplicable hatred for me-one I could not understand.
I’m sharing this because for a long time I kept asking myself why this man seemed intent on disrupting my life – why he wouldn’t want me to find love, get married, or build a family. I wondered why he would try to take something so meaningful away from me. But none of it matters anymore. I can’t keep giving those questions space in my mind. Every time I do, it shatters my heart all over again. I’m done trying to make sense of something that was never mine to understand. At some point, you accept that some men hate without cause – especially when a woman succeeds. If you know that feeling, may these words steady you.
Releasing the tears, beneath the pain,
Principal Designer
Jennifer Nicole Nelson
